Weigh In 4/4/11

April 4 2011 Weight: 157.0lbs (+.2) Body Fat: 31% (0) Bust: 36" (-.5) Waist: 29.25" (+.25) Hips: 39.5" (+.25) Bicep: 11.75" (-.25) Thigh: 22.75" (0) Calf: 15" (0)

Well so much for April being my first month without a gain. What a way to start the month huh? Luckily +.2 lbs is a manageable gain, but still frustrating. I think the most frustrating thing is that I am not at a "good" weight for my height so why is my body being so obstinate about giving up the weight. I mean I am eating right and exercising so why can't I lose?

I am a bit disheartened at how slow my progress has been, when I see people who weigh considerably less then me losing much more in a shorter period of time. I thought that losing 2 lbs a week would be a decent goal, but it seems that is just too hasty for my body. It hurts to see the reality of your goals, when you say "150 by April" and watch that goal slowly slip out of reach week by week.

As per usual here is my end of the month/ beginning of the month wrap up to remind myself of how far I have come and to motivate myself to keep on trucking.

	February 28 2011	April 4 2011
Weight:	160.4 lbs	157.0 lbs	(-3.4)
Body Fat:	32 %	31%	(-1)
Bust:	37.75"	36"	(-1.75)
Waist:	30"	29.25"	(-.75)
Hips:	40.5"	39.5"	(-1)
Bicep:	11.75"	11.75"	(0)
Thigh:	23.75"	22.75"	(-1)
Calf:	15"	15"	(0)

And my overall journey from the beginning of this blog:

	January 1 2011	April 4 2011
Weight:	171.6 lbs	157.0 lbs	(-14.6)
Body Fat:	36 %	31%	(-5)
Bust:	38.5"	36"	(-2.5)
Waist:	32"	29.25"	(-2.75)
Hips:	43"	39.5"	(-3.5)
Bicep:	12.75"	11.75"	(-1)
Thigh:	24"	22.75"	(-1.25)
Calf:	15.5"	15"	(-.5)

3.4lbs for March sucks! I did 7 in February. Hopefully this means April will be another big month for me. *fingers crossed* 

Perhaps it is time I re-evaluate my goals. Shooting for an arbitrary number by an arbitrary date just seems to do more harm for me then good. I'd like to be proud of my progress each week no matter how small, so instead of shooting for a number for April, I want to get through the rest of April and May with no gains. I think that is a better goal for me right now.

But look at that 14.6lbs lost since January! Rounding up to 15lbs and thats 5 lbs a month average for me. Thats not too shabby, I definitely notice the change in my body and particularly in the way my clothing fit. Like my Christmas clothing no longer fit me, I guess this means a new wardrobe for the summer!

The silver lining in all of this is no matter how slow I lose, the point is I am still losing. And that I will eventually get to where I want to and need to be by sticking with my plan and not giving up or letting small slip ups ruin a good week.

Heres to an Awesome April worth of weight loss! 

Weigh In 2/14/11

First off: Happy Valentines Day to everyone! I hope it is filled with love and sweets - but only sugar free ones!

Now down to business:

February 14 2011 Weight: 160.8 lbs (-3.2) Body Fat: 34% (-1) Bust: 38" (0) Waist: 30.5" (0) Hips: 40.75" (0) Bicep: 11.75" (-.25) Thigh: 23.5" (-.25) Calf: 15" (0)

I would call this weigh in a great success! Firstly 3.2lb lost, following a previous week of 3.6lb lost. That is fan-freaking-tastic! I am also really excited that I can see some differences in my pictures now, like the bulge on my hips is smaller as well as around the string on my back. I am starting to see a clear definition of my waist, and my tummy is flatter.

I also couldn't help but notice my shrinking legs while I was shaving this morning. I'm very excited about these results. Sort of odd (again same observation as last week) that I have now lost 6.8lbs in 2 weeks and have effectively only lost inches on my bicep and thigh... I really think that is just so odd. But there is no looking back this week.

I am 1.8lb away from my lowest weight in 5 years, and that is so awesome to me. I can't wait to bust through 159 and keep on trucking down to my goal weight. It also means that I reached my Hate Loss Goal of losing 10 lbs in 41 days the healthy way (technically I lost 10.8 lbs in 45 days). And that I am 10.8 lbs away from my March 12th goal of 150lbs.

Stepping back I am not sure 150lbs by march 12 (which is 26 days away)  is such a good goal for me as it has taken me 45 days to lose 10.8 lbs, but if I aim high and fail at least I will have still made significant progress toward my overall goal of 130lbs which I would like to hit around August (167 days away) for bathing suit season.

I'm feeling spectacular, now I just have to resist all these sweets people keep throwing at me today. PLEASE SHOW ME YOUR LOVE SOME OTHER WAY THEN FOOD! At least my boyfriend knows not to get me chocolates or candy - we are cooking a lovely low-carb feast for dinner tonight. I can't wait!

Goals Part 2

In an earlier post I wrote:

"I want to treat myself and my body with the love and respect they deserve. I want to feel worthy of that respect. I want to be happy with myself, and to love myself, for who I am and what I look like."


I still hold that this is my ultimate goal in life. I also realize that to meet such a huge goal I need to start small and work my way up.


I want to be happy with my body again. I want to love the person I see in the mirror and be able to confidently say that I am sexy. But deeper then that, I want my body to act the way a body should. 
I love sports and have always been very active. I have been playing soccer 2-3 time a week, and I go jogging 1-2 times a week. I have terrible pain in my knees on a daily basis, when I go to play soccer I do so knowing that I will only aggravate my knees. Stairs are a pain, sitting in cars/planes/in chairs for long periods of time is a pain, heck even sitting down to go to the rest room is a pain. I am 24, and I hobble up stairs, and complain about pain in my knees. My mom does the same things... what does this say about where I will be in another 24 years?


At the very base of things, I started this blog to be held accountable for my weight loss, but I am finding that I want to be held accountable for many more things. I want to be accountable for changing my life.


I am trying to tackle things one step at a time. If I wrote a long list of things in my life I wanted to change, like being able to go boot shopping with out worrying about the boots zipping up, being able to walk up and down stairs without pain, being able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I am happy, I can point to one thing that could help it all, and that is my weight.


That is why I have been so focused on weight loss in this blog. In terms of weight loss I want to slowly work my way back down to 150lbs. I can't really remember the last time I was less then 150lbs, I'm sure it was some time in high school but I don't really know for sure. I would like to reach this goal by March 12th, which  about 2 months away. That would mean I need to lose a little over 2 lbs a week to reach that goal. I think that is a very reasonable goal. Why March 12th? My girlfriend is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid for her. I know she will post the pictures all over her home and I don't want to look back at pictures of the happiest day of her life and see sadness in my face. 


Beyond that my ultimate goal is to reach a healthy BMI. For my height a good BMI is between 110lbs and 150lbs. I would like to be able to fall right in between there at a healthy 130lbs, hopefully right around bathing suit season in August.


150 by March and 130 by August. This is doable!

Hate-Loss 2011

Week two for me, and I must say this was a very difficult week. I set my weigh-ins up for Monday so that I could start my week off right, see some progress and be happy with myself. However this Monday, (the Monday following a 4 day vacation) I weighed in 5lbs heavier then the week previous. I still can't believe that, and counter productively it set the undertones for my whole week thus far.



Of course my first thoughts when I saw a +5 gain were that I was a failure, useless, lazy ect. But when I sat down and thought about what I did that week, I ate right and even found time to exercise while I was on vacation. It's too bad the scale didn't weigh in the same way I thought it should have, but when it comes down to it I made the right decisions even when people may not have been very supportive and that takes strength, determination and hard-work.

Despite my set back this past week I did notice that instead of saying "forget it" and giving up, or burying my failure in a pile of sweets, after weighing in, I was disappointed but, I walked right down stairs and made myself a healthy breakfast, and continued on my plan for the rest of the day. I had a bad week but I didn't ruin anything that I can't fix.

So I have decided this is my "fixer" week. A chance to fix things that were going wrong and refocus myself. I sat and thought about my goals then, I really attacked myself with compliments in the mirror to encourage myself to keep on trucking. I had a smile from ear to ear when I called myself cute, perky, and athletic. You should try it in the morning, it's amazing how great your mood can be when you start your day off with some encouragement.

And just to keep things positive, last week I talked about a bout I had where I tried to lose weight in a not-so-healthy way. Well here are some pictures I took of that time, it was more than a year ago now and it's not surprising that I look like that first picture again (possibly worse?).

But since I'm feeling strong, determined, hard-working, cute, perky, and athletic this week I am challenging myself to beat these results by doing it the right way, the healthy way. It's only 10 lbs but I like how my body I looked in the October pics. 10lbs in 41 days?  I lost 5lbs my first week, if that means anything it means I CAN DO IT so here we go.

BTW when I go for a jog to get myself to focus I normally pick a phrase and continue to chant it in my head. Normally I stick with "just keep moving" or a simple "1-2-3-4" but this week I tried phrases like "you are worth it"  and "you can do it" and let me tell you. I feel like I can do it because I know I am worth it.

Lets Talk About Goals

In light of recent events (see Weigh In 1/17/11) I think it is important for me to re-focus myself. I have been pretty vague about stating my goals during this blog. I know there are people out there with a lot more weight to lose then me, but when it comes down to it I just want to love myself again and I am willing to do whatever it is to get back to that point.

So heres a story:

I was fairly thin around my senior prom in high school, probably around 150lb looking at my pictures. Even at this weight I was fairly self conscious and was always considered chubby by my friends and family. "A minute on the lips and lifetime on the hips" my dad would taunt as I partook in dessert and sweets. My mom was also very keen to point out my weight whenever she noticed a change. "You are starting to look fat" she would warn. I don't harbor any anger or hate towards my parents for this, but when I sit back and think about it, it was cruel of them considering they never really took any interest in healthy eating, or teaching it to me.

People always talk about "the freshmen 15" or the iconic 15 lbs most people gain during college. I was a commuter student so I didn't participate in binge drinking or most of the poor eating habits of a college student away from home. Instead I adopted a life of a college student on the go, and I'm pretty sure my entire diet during college consisted of fast food. Not surprisingly over the course of 4 years my weight exploded from around 150lb to somewhere around 190lbs. I never really noticed I was gaining so horribly until I could no longer shop in the usual stores. A size 12 didn't fit me any more, I resolved myself to buying size 14 - 18 jeans in Macy's to avoid shopping in a plus size store which I clearly needed.

The pictures from my college graduation saddened me. The robes are notoriously unflattering ,but I couldn't even recognize myself in my pictures. Who was this girl? I resolved myself to losing weight by any means necessary. I couldn't go on being this person. I adopted unhealthy habits, which I am not proud of, to get the weight off. Starving myself, exercising for hours on end, binge eating and diet pills seemed like the only answer. The thing is that since everything was so extreme and unhealthy I was never able to stick with it.

I have been very focused the past year and a half on losing weight, to get back to at least my high school weight just to feel like myself again. The issue is I haven't been doing it the right way. I keep relapsing back into my old habits of starving myself for a week, and binging on food, or spending hours on end in the gym trying to run away from my problems. About this time last year I had mild success on a 500 cal a day diet (with weekend binges) and exercise for 2 hours every day. I lost about 10 lbs, only to gain every single one back (plus interest).

I am trying so hard to change things for good. To do things the right way, and to be a happier, healthier person because of it.

So here are my goals, hopefully ones that blogging will help me realize.

The big picture:
I want to treat myself and my body with the love and respect they deserve. I want to feel worthy of that respect. I want to be happy with myself, and to love myself, for who I am and what I look like. 

It's a pretty big goal. One that may take years to realize, but its one that I must realize to be happy in life. It is hard to quantify my goal, I can't really measure how far I have come towards achieving my goal. Instead I want to use my goal as a motivator to reach smaller more quantifiable goals.

I have already started to this goal by learning about proper nutrition and exercise. I have adopted an exercise and eating plan that will help me reach a healthier state of being. One step at a time.