"I want to treat myself and my body with the love and respect they deserve. I want to feel worthy of that respect. I want to be happy with myself, and to love myself, for who I am and what I look like."
I still hold that this is my ultimate goal in life. I also realize that to meet such a huge goal I need to start small and work my way up.
I want to be happy with my body again. I want to love the person I see in the mirror and be able to confidently say that I am sexy. But deeper then that, I want my body to act the way a body should. I love sports and have always been very active. I have been playing soccer 2-3 time a week, and I go jogging 1-2 times a week. I have terrible pain in my knees on a daily basis, when I go to play soccer I do so knowing that I will only aggravate my knees. Stairs are a pain, sitting in cars/planes/in chairs for long periods of time is a pain, heck even sitting down to go to the rest room is a pain. I am 24, and I hobble up stairs, and complain about pain in my knees. My mom does the same things... what does this say about where I will be in another 24 years?
At the very base of things, I started this blog to be held accountable for my weight loss, but I am finding that I want to be held accountable for many more things. I want to be accountable for changing my life.
I am trying to tackle things one step at a time. If I wrote a long list of things in my life I wanted to change, like being able to go boot shopping with out worrying about the boots zipping up, being able to walk up and down stairs without pain, being able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I am happy, I can point to one thing that could help it all, and that is my weight.
That is why I have been so focused on weight loss in this blog. In terms of weight loss I want to slowly work my way back down to 150lbs. I can't really remember the last time I was less then 150lbs, I'm sure it was some time in high school but I don't really know for sure. I would like to reach this goal by March 12th, which about 2 months away. That would mean I need to lose a little over 2 lbs a week to reach that goal. I think that is a very reasonable goal. Why March 12th? My girlfriend is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid for her. I know she will post the pictures all over her home and I don't want to look back at pictures of the happiest day of her life and see sadness in my face.
Beyond that my ultimate goal is to reach a healthy BMI. For my height a good BMI is between 110lbs and 150lbs. I would like to be able to fall right in between there at a healthy 130lbs, hopefully right around bathing suit season in August.