Monday, June 27, 2011


I just don't know what to possibly say today.

Ever since I got home from my 2week work trip where I lost 3 lbs I have steadily gained weight. I tipped the scales this morning at 157.6.

157.6?!?!! How could I possibly gain 8 lbs in as many days? That would take some serious work, calorie wise. It just don't make a single lick of sense. I cannot figure it out, what have I done differently? I'm still working out, I'm still eating on plan. I mean I had my usual cheat day, and perhaps I dipped into the cookie jar one too many times, but not enough times to explain an 8lb gain.

I am freaking out right now, I just don't get it. I am angry, frustrated, annoyed, discouraged, and heartbroken. Yes heartbroken. Last week 149.6lbs was a great victory for me, I managed to widdle my weight down to a value I hadn't seen since highschool - a good 7 years ago. I was excited to move onto my next and ultimate goal of being a fit 135lbs. I am watching that slip away, and have no reason to explain why.

I feel let down by my body, that I am trying so hard to lead it in a direction for healthy living and all it wants is to be fat and unhealthy. It has got me scared, scared that the diet I have trusted and that has worked so well up until this point is failing, and I need to find some other nutrition plan to get my weightloss back on track.

I have a million feelings in my head right now, and none of them are positive or hopeful. I know that since getting home things have been very different for me, but I have never blamed stress or anything other then the way I eat or work out for my weight.
I mean everyone says the formula is simple: Calories in - calories out
Not: ((Calories in*Cookies) - Calories out)*(exercise)*(water intake)-(water retention)/(stress)*(PMS)

I just feel lost. It took me a good 3 months to lose 8 lbs. Have I really undone 3 months of work in one week? It seems impossible, especially considering how well I have been doing with my exercise and that I haven't been eating differently at all.

Sorry for all the babble, I just really needed to vent. For the reasons stated above I will not be weighing in this week....

Friday, June 24, 2011

Insanity - Week 3

By now I have already done all of the workout in the first part of Insanity at least once, many I am on my 3rd or 4th go around. Every time I do them I feel like I improving my form, or speed, or endurance.

This past week I had an add on routine called "Cardio Abs" it is a 15-20 minute routine that is meant to be done in addition to another workout. Normally "Pure Cardio" which sucks because I don't feel like doing anything other then passing out after "Pure Cardio" but "Cardio Abs" is a nice routine that focuses on your abs and obliques without any situps. Most of the exercises fixate on keeping your core tight in a plank or sitting position and raising your legs (using your core) its fairly difficult and after doing it for the first time a couple of days ago my abs are still sore from it. But I think I love it =). Something about that burn a few days after a routine reminds me how hard I worked and about the results I will see.

Also last Monday I had my second fit test. My results were:

Switch Kicks : 71    (+12)
Power Jacks : 39      (-5)
Power Knees : 70    (+15)
Power Jumps : 40     (+7)
Globe Jumps : 10     (+1)
Suicide Jumps : 10   (-2)
Push Up Jacks : 14   (+3)
Low Plank Obliques : 48  (+4)

Not bad. A bit disappointed in my power jacks and suicide jumps. I feel like those should not have been less, because if anything I have been getting stronger (just look at the other exercises for proof). If I had to try and explain why I would probably say that I was focusing on form and pacing myself and not on getting the best number I could.

The first week I just saw the exercise and did it until I couldn't anymore. This time I knew what the movement should feel like when done right and focused on that and possibly did not push hard enough to get those extra reps. Next fit test I will know better and just go all out.

So far I have been doing pretty good keeping up with the program. Ever since I got home it has been difficult to find time to do my routines. Now that I am home I have dogs to care for, dinner to cook, chores to take care of. It's a lot of work and it's hard to sneak away for an hour to do a workout. I have been making it work though. Since I got home I have only missed one work out, which I intend to make up later this week.

I thought it would be easy once I got home since my boyfriend was doing the workouts with me, but he gave up after the first week. Which makes me feel awesome for sticking with it, but also bummed that I lost my work out buddy. I guess I just have to be my own buddy - like I have been for the past 6 months.

I have a little less then 2 weeks of phase 1 left. Then I have a recovery week (a lot of stretching and yoga for core and blance) and then enter 4 weeks of phase 2 "Insanity - Max". I am not going to lie, I am a bit worried about phase 2. I am considering extending phase 1 for another month since I still struggle with phase 1 moves, but we will see.

So on and so forth. Can't wait to see my body transform - I'm still waiting.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Weigh In 6/19/11

Weigh In - 3 days late. My life has been turned upside down since I got home. I have been a busy bee running around and doing tons of chores and errands trying to get things back in order. Being gone for 2 weeks really throws a kink in things.

Here are my weigh in results:

May 162011
Weight: 149.6lbs (-3)
Body Fat: 29% (0)
Bust: 35.5" (-.5)
Waist: 28.75" (-.25)
Hips: 38.5" (-1)
Bicep: 11.25" (0)
Thigh: 22.5" (0)
Calf: 14.5" (-.5)

Wow! The precautions I took while away on travel really seemed to have paid off. I am officially down past 150, and have officially lost more then 20lbs! My first goal has been accomplished - sure it took me 6 months, but still I got it done, and thats more then I can say for the past 6 years of my life.

I feel fantastic about my results (in the numbers). I have been working hard to eat right and am now about 2 weeks into my "Insanity" workout routine. Not sure I am seeing massive physical results from the program, since I can't really put my finger on anything that looks different from last week, but I feel tighter, and stronger, and I am getting better at the work out routines.

All I can do is stay strong, and keep up with my diet and exercise. Onto my new goal - 130! Another 20lbs, this one will probably take a lot more than 6  months to achieve but I'm feeling motivated and I know if I stick with the plan and don't falter I will make it there.

Go Me!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Insanity - Day 9, 10 & 11

So I messed up the whole schedule by skipping Tuesday, but as I explained I was just simply too exhausted physically and mentally to even push though a video chat, let alone a "Pure Cardio" workout. So Tuesday I took a rest day.

I resumed my program where I left off at "Pure Cardio" although I remember being extremely tired through out the workout I felt like this time I was able to push harder and take less breaks then I had the previous times. Likewise with my Thursday workout.

Thursday was my 3rd time doing "Cardio Circuit" and I kept having the oddest feelings of deja vu while doing the workout. I think this is going to get interesting seeing as the rest of the videos for the next two and a half weeks are the same ones recycled.

Also, I am heading home tomorrow! I can't wait to get back home and see my friends and family and my puppy (ok so he isn't really a puppy anymore...) and my scale. It has been pure torture these past two weeks not knowing how much I weigh, my morning weigh in usually effects my meal choices for the day and these two weeks I just had to assume the worst and make the right choices. I really really hope all my hard work paid off, I expect to see at least 5 lbs, but knowing my body maybe I only list 3, which would still be ok. I really would like to get to and even past 150, that would be a great reward.

 I am all packed up and ready to get up bright and early tomorrow for a good 9 hours of aviary transport.  I took a snap shot of my little mini fridge at the hotel before I left, thought you guys might like it. Just to give you guys an idea of the kind of stuff I was eating. This was mostly for lunches, dinners were normally salads, or broiled fish with extra veggies.

All of this stuff was from the Super Walmart:

Frozen Brussel Sprouts
Frozen Edamames
Grapefruit Cups (no added sugar)
Pre Cooked Chicken Breast
Hard Boiled Eggs
Herb Vinaigrette Dressing
Cesar and Cobb pre-prepared salads

On various other days I also had fresh grapefruit, strawberries, mixed greens, mixed nuts and frozen broccoli. These were all easy meals that could be prepared with a microwave and plastic cutlery. Its kind of fun to see how creative you can get with limited resources.

I don't think I did all that bad when it comes to what I ate, my only fault may have been portion control. A lot of the times at restaurants I end up eating more then I would have a home simply because they prepare me more. Hopefully I worked hard enough that that isn't a problem, but if I don't lose then I am sure that is the culprit.

Can't wait to post my progress.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hard at Work

I feel awful. I wanted so badly to do my Insanity workout lastnight, but honestly after working 12 hours a day and only getting 5 or so hours of sleep for the past two weeks I feel like I hardly have anything left in the tank.

I was dozing on the way home from work, exhausted and puffy eyed through dinner, and actually fell asleep while on video chat with my boyfriend. I decided instead of doing my "Pure Cardio" last night I would just go to bed.

I really wanted to do the work out, but I remember last "Pure Cardio" I did way late at night and it made my heart feel like it was being stabbed with a knife. Maybe I am just being dramatic, but I just didn't think it would help my mental and physical health any to push through an hour of cardio when I couldn't even keep myself awake.

I will resume my "Insanity" program tonight, with "Pure Cardio", so I will offset by a day, or maybe I will just do an extra work out this week to make up for it. I don't want to get into a habit of skipping workouts, but this week is an extenuating circumstance and I don't think I will let it happen too often once I get home.

In the meantime time I am focusing on eating healthy so when I get home ( SO SOON NOW) I will be happy  with my weigh-in. I worked really hard these past two weeks, so I expect to see at least 5lbs loss. We will see how that turns out.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Insanity - Day 8

Cardio & Power Resistance day. I think that this is my favorite workout so far (maybe aside from Recovery). I think I like it best because its split up into a lot of small water breaks and I always feel like I have the energy left to push through.

The jumps are pretty fun for me, however exhausting. I did notice that I was doing a lot better with the push ups section this time too.

I have been working the crazyist hours during this work trip and have not gotten much sleep, and despite bringing my lunch and choosing only salads or diet healthy foods I really think the food is getting to me. I feel really sapped for energy, it took me a lot to get through the workout. (Not as much as on Friday though, Friday was just brutal. I guess it helps that I had a "Rest Day" yesterday so I didn't have to push so hard.

I want to say sorry to all my friends who I follow for not commenting much this past week or so, but between 12 hour work days, 2 hour commute, 1 hr dinner in a restaurant and my 45 min workout I hardly have any free time to catch up with the goings ons in other people's lives. I hope to remedy that in the next few days because I get to go home on Friday!

Can't wait! Tomorrow is "Pure Cardio" that one sucked. Not looking forward to it - also I really have to stop eating so late (its hard with these stupid hours) but doing these workouts on a full stomach is like a recipe for disaster. I always feel like utter doo afterwards.

Bed for me! I took some measurements this morning, not sure if I should post them or not since I had like a 5 hour hike yesterday that could have dehydrated me. I just want to be sure that any loss wasn't just water weight. I would feel soo much more comfortable if I just had my scale with me.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Insanity - Day 6 & 7

Day 6 was my second day of "Plyometrics Cardio Curcuit." I actually think it was harder the second time around. Now it probably doesn't help that I had just put in a 13 hour day at work and it was 12:00am when I started the workout but I really, really struggled to get through it. I had to keep pausing and taking a break because I was feeling dizzy and felt my heart racing. I think I maybe pushed a bit too hard on my exhausted body, but I am really determined to get through this program. And I just don't want to skip a day if I don't have to.

After my workout I kicked my shoes off and fell straight to bed.

Day 7 is my "Rest Day" there is no video for today. You are supposed to use this day to allow your body and muscles time to recover for the next week. I was toying with the idea of doing "Cardio Recovery" today just to get some stretches in since they feel amazing, but I also went for a 8mile hike through a canyon today and I think that just may suffice in the way of exercise.

But I could use the stretches, maybe I will give it a shot before bed (earlier then 12 this time).  Tomorrow I start again with "Power Resistance" that one was hard, but remember it being pretty fun.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Insanity - Day 5

"Pure Cardio" more like "Pure Insanity."

This workout was by and far the most difficult. Much like "Plyometrics" and "Cardio Circuit" its a 40 minute workout with a 10 minute warmup. However for some reason this warmup was more of a wear down, and really set the mood for the rest of the workout. I was tired and winded within the first 6 minutes. After the warmup was a much needed stretch, and then a water break. Then straight into intense cardio moves like football sprints, suicides, and some various jump squats. Unlike "Plyometrics" and "Cardio Circuit" the exercises are not split up by intermediate breaks. It ends up being about 25 minutes straight of cardio sprints, jumps, pushups and boxing jabs. Then a final stretch at the end.

I honestly feel like I spent more time trying to catch my breath or encourage my body to keep going then I actually spent working out. I was sweating and know my heart rate was elevated, but I'm worried I didn't work hard enough - yet again. And yes my sore muscles from the first 4 days probably didn't help the situation, but honestly I felt my heartbeat getting way to high and think if I was wearing a heartbeat monitor it would have told me to stop too. Perhaps I should get one, so that I can make sure that I am not working too hard and keeping my heart rate in the right zone.

I thought this workout was odd because you watch the videos and you are struggling to keep up, and these extremely fit people working out all around him have to keep taking breaks to drink or rest because they are worn out. I also spoke to a few of my soccer teammates who have done the workouts and they have all admitted that they gave the program up after the first couple of weeks or the first month because it was too intense and they simply could not continue. It makes me feel a bit better about my own performance through out these videos, even though I am no where near as fit as them, but it also makes me really determined to finish it.

Today is "Plyometrics" again. We will see if it is any easier the second time around.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Insanity - Day 4

So Day 4 is "Cardio Recovery". Although the name sounded like a nice relaxing workout I was skeptical that the same workout that brought me Day 2 and Day 3 could possibly understand what a recovery workout was like.

I was however wrong. After 3 days of jumping right into Insanity I was quite sore in many muscles, most notably my calves, shoulders and a bit in my hamstrings. This workout was about 33 minutes of breathing exercises, stretches, core resistance holds and other types of muscle holds. The workout was a rather slow and controlled pace, and a lot of the stretches break up the exercises so you don't feel exhausted or even need a break for water. After the workout I felt refreshed, and loose and ready to take on my "Pure Cardio" workout tomorrow. So I guess "Cardio Recovery" is an appropriate name for this workout, I will see if I still feel loose and rearing to go tomorrow.

Despite my euphoric feeling afterwards, during the routine I found myself struggling to follow along with a lot of the workout. At a point Shaun (the instructor) has you hold lunges and squats for minutes at a time. My muscles just couldn't hold me, they began to quiver and I had to stand up for a short moment to rest them before going back into the hold. Another place where I struggled were the balance exercises. I guess I just don't have very good body equilibrium because I could barely even hold myself steady with one knee up in the air. I expect that my balance should improve as my core muscles get stronger.

One issue I have with most of these workouts so far is Shaun will switch up into moves without really explaining how to do them. At these points I find it useful to watch one round, then rewind and then do the round with him. I guess I understand since you end up watching the same videos and doing the same workouts multiple times so eventually you will catch on, and not even need the reference. But for now I'm new and find it difficult to just jump into some of the moves he is expecting.

Lets see how this "Pure Cardio" goes.

P.S. I hope you all aren't getting bored with these posts but hopefully anyone wanting to do these workouts can be more prepared and encouraged by my experience. There is only one extra workout after "Pure Cardio" before the routines begin to repeat so I will probably post about it less frequently so I don't sound like a broken record.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Insanity - Day 3

Day 3 workout is called "Cardio & Power Resistance".

Much like the format of the first workout it was a 40 minute workout that started with a quick 8 or so min cardio workout and warmup, then a nice 5 minute stretch and then about 20 or so minutes of all sorts of jumps, squats and push ups and then a 4 minute cool down.

All the kinesthetics in this workout make the "Power Resistance" an appropriate name for this workout. However, after doing it I am more convinced the "Power Resistance" comes from your brain.... "I know how much you would like to do that push up Ellie, but I simply won't let you do it." I think it would really help me to have a partner next to me, or someone (like a personal trainer) there to push me to keep going when my brain/body wants to stop. I feel like I have a skinny Ellie on one shoulder urging "Keep going, you can do it, you must push through" and a overweight unhealthy Ellie on the other shoulder saying "You did enough, that will do, you can stop now." I want to push that unhealthy Ellie off my shoulder and out of my head, that is one of my goals in doing these workouts.

During this workout I once again failed to keep up with the video once they started doing arm exercises, like push ups, and running push ups, and triceps dips. I can really see where my body needs improvement. I suppose this is to be expected, I mean I use my legs every day to walk, climb stairs, play soccer and carry my own body weight, but my arms are swiftly typing on a computer or grasped firmly on the wheel of my car... I think it would be nice to get some muscle to my arms, I keep noticing in my progress pics that they haven't really been going anywhere.

Like yesterday I was dripping sweat after my workout, I wasn't nearly as out of breath, but there was also less cardio this workout. I was a bit stiff going into the workout, but after a warm up and a stretch I hardly noticed. After the workout I was a bit shaky and weak feeling, but recovered quickly. Also, I really regretted working out so soon after dinner, my stomach was very unsettled and I felt I was going to yak at any moment while jumping and bouncing around.

Today is "Cardio Recovery" day. I'd like to think that sounds like a nice relaxing workout, but given the first two workouts I am not going to get my hopes up at all. I will let you know how my recovery goes.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Insanity - Day 2

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow....... wow.

First of all let me say I take back what I was saying yesterday about being sore. After sitting at my desk working for 10 hours, my muscles were getting fairly stiff, nothing debilitating, but something closer to the burn I was expecting.

I finished my first *real* insanity work out yesterday and all I can say is wow. You know that burn I was complaining about not having? Well I feel it now, and am 100% sure I will be super sore come work out time today.

This workout was called "Plyometric Cardio Circuit." The workout was 42 minutes, it started with a nice 5 minute warm-up which quickly turned into a 10 minute cardio routine, then a short break followed by a refreshing 7 minute stretch. After the stretch we jumped right into the actual cardio circuit with 9 minutes of intense squats, jumps, mountain climbers, with short breaks in between sets. Then what was quite possibly the worst 9 minutes of my life (well not really but boy was it tough) which consisted of push ups, and jumps and planks, with breaks between sets.

I was literally crying during those 9 minutes. My body was super drained and as much as I wanted to push and make myself do the moves I just couldn't do it. I even ended up scraping my knee on the carpet and re-injuring a hurt toe trying to do this part of the workout. I was disappointed in myself because I really, really, REALLY wanted to do the exercises. I guess it gives me room to grow, but I can't help but feel bad about my performance during this part of the circuit. It took all I had to just keep moving, I just simply couldn't do the moves they wanted.

The workout wrapped up with a quick 2 minutes of boxing style jabs and uppercuts and then a final 3 minutes of cool-down stretching (which felt AMAZING).

I was dripping sweat after this workout, and so was my more-fit boyfriend. He also struggled on the last part so it makes me feel a bit better. I now  understand why everyone says Insanity is so difficult, but I have nothing better to do while I am stranded in the hotel, and honestly I'm up for the challenge. I want to complete this just to say that I have, and to prove to myself that I can.

Today is "Cardio and Power Resistance" I will see how this workout compares to yesterday.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Insanity - Day 1

Yesterday was my Day 1 of the Insanity workouts.

I have been very interested in trying some of the "Beachbody" workouts. I normally fall asleep on the couch watching Mythbusters or some episode of Diners, Drive Ins and Dives and always wake up to the promises of wash board abs and a tight tone tummy and firm muscular arms. Who wouldn't be interested in that??? Even more convincing - I have a handful of friends who advertise the workouts and products on their facebooks and in person. It starts to get really difficult to dismiss the workouts and informercials as simply an advertisement when you see the results first hand.

So I decided I wanted to give it a shot. I mean, I have nothing to lose (except maybe the $$$ spent on the dvds), and even if the work outs don't work they way they say and are only a part of a great ad campagin - at least I motivated myself to try something new.

So I decided I would give it a shot. As an *early* 20lb loss gift my boyfriend purchased the "Insanity" system for me. It comes with a nutrition guide, 14 workouts, and a workout sheet. It also has a welcome package and a motivational video which I thought were nice, but the real meat are the workout and nutrition guide.

I love how simple they make it. "Eat the food in the guide, do the workouts in this order on these days." The nutrition guide is laid out really simply too, it gives you a list of 5 or 6 meals to choose for each of 5 meals a day. Despite how simply laid out the nutrition guide is, I won't be working the nutrition guide into this cycle of Insanity. The first reason is because the nutrition guide emphasizes 5 meals a day, and I am already having trouble while on site and away from home doing 3 healthy meals. Also, and more importantly I have been sticking to a "slow-carb" diet for the past 5 months and have been pleased with the results and more importantly have been able to sustain the diet for 5 months (I can't see my self sustaining 5 meals a day for the rest of my life). So as long as I continue to have the energy to do the work outs I think I will continue to use my own diet.

Now for the workout. The first day is a fit test, the schedule has you repeat this fit test every 2 weeks (for a total of 4 times) to track your progress throughout the system. The fit test is a 25 min workout with a  5 minute warm-up/stretch and then a power packed 15 min of jumps, squats and core exercises with breaks between and then finishes with a 5 minute cooldown stretch.

My results of the fit test were:

Switch Kicks : 59
Power Jacks : 44
Power Knees : 55
Power Jumps : 33
Globe Jumps : 9
Suicide Jumps : 12
Push Up Jacks : 11
Low Plank Obliques : 44

The workout wasn't easy, but I don't think it was impossible either. I felt disappointed with my results and think I can push myself a lot harder next time. A lot of my issue came from my lack of coordination, I was so focused on form and making my body move the way it was supposed to (it is highly important to focus on form for these workouts) that I forgot to count, or would mess up and not count the rep due to improper form.

Hopefully my coordination will improve along with my results. The push-up jacks were the hardest for me to do because my arms are very weak, and towards the end, even with breaks I was unable to push my body back up to starting position to complete a rep. During the entire routine I felt burns in my core and hamstrings, so I hope some of the other workouts spread the burn around, but I might not hate having 6-pack abs and thunder thighs.

I am not feeling sore at all, I feel a bit of tightness in my abs but I really didn't get the soreness that I expected, and HOPED to have. Sometimes I love that achy feeling since it reminds me how hard I worked. To be honest I am more sore in my shoulders from lugging my bags around the airport last Sunday then I am from the workout. Maybe that is a sign that I haven't worked hard enough? I will just have to be extra sure to push extra hard for the rest of the week. Maybe it will be a building soreness.

Onward to more workouts!!!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Weigh In 6/6/11

I will not be weighing in today... because my scale and my wall, and my bikini are 
2100 miles away!

So this probably isn't the sort of "Weigh In" post that you expect from me but sometimes life gets in the way of our hopes and dreams and goals and this is no exception. I sort of alluded to this week in my last "Weigh In" post when I mentioned some obstacles I would have to face this month.

Sometimes my job requires me to do "on site" work, which normally means about a week away from home in a hotel room eating out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and having no soccer or time for the gym. In the past I have gone on these one week site visits and come home 5 or 10 lbs heavier. 7 days of fast food and eating out *usually on the company* will do that - take my word for it. And this month, I am scheduled for an unusual 2 (or maybe even 3 depending on how things go) weeks on site clear across the country from home. How will I ever maintain, let alone lose weight while I am away from my routine, healthy meals, and exercise plans?

Over the past 5 months I have been doing so great, I have been teetering on the cusp of breaking my 20lb weight loss benchmark and blowing past my 150s and into the 140s (a place I probably haven't been since middle school). I really want to get there, and I have been so worried these past couple of weeks leading up to this trip I started to stress eat... a horrible lapse in judgment that I haven't given into in 5 months.

But here I am 2100 miles away from home hoping, trying and praying that I can make weightloss work, even if I am out of my element. I have already made some changes to the usual routine including requesting a fridge in my hotel room, and I went to the grocery store to get food stuffs for lunches, snacks, breakfasts and dinner. Sure it isn't as ritzy as writing off a crabcake dinner with a cocktail on the side and a slice of cheesecake to work, but when it comes down to it I would rather reach my goals that I have been working so hard towards then get a free meal any day.

And as a *early* 20lb weight loss gift my my boyfriend got me the "Insanity" workouts to do while I am away on travel. I have been seeing infomercials all over the TV and ads on websites and facebook and was really interested in trying it. He is even doing the work outs with me from home, so when I get back we can compare results and do them together.

I did my first workout tonight (a fit test). I will post the results in a different post since this one is getting super long. If you are interested in trying the workouts keep in touch, because I intend to leave updates on my progress along the way.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Memorial Day = Bikini Season?

So memorial day marks the unofficial beginning of summer. Covers come off of grills (yummy!), covers come off of pools, and cover-ups come off of millions of bikini-clad ladies world wide.

Will I be joining this endless barrage of women choosing to bear all (well most) for the public this summer?

Short answer: No.

At least not yet. While I, and I am sure many of you have all seen people frolicking on the beach or in the pool in a suit clearly too small for them, I refuse to be that person. I probably have nothing to worry about, but I am just not comfortable with the way I look in a bikini to choose to wear that out in public.

That's not to say that I will not be wearing a suit at all. Last year I didn't, I was so embarrassed I basically avoided any situation that would require me to wear a suit... This year I will stick to my trusty tankini, at least for now. As a confidence boosting exercise.

I am already leaps and bounds more confident about my body and the way I look, but there is nothing like feeling naked (unzipped) in front of strangers to make you want to shape up. Maybe I messed up last week, maybe I didn't (The scale read 151 this morning, which is technically the last day of the month, so maybe I did get an entire month with no gain, also 151 marks 20lbs down since January, but I'll wait until an official weigh-in to report all that) but I'm ready to kick this into high gear.

Maybe I will dawn my bikini in public this year after all.

P.S. I just wanted to thank Trisha for awarding the "Adorable Blogger Award" and Headspace for the "Stylish Blogger Award". I will have to make a post about them later!