Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hate-Loss 2011

Posting this a day early since tomorrow is going to be a travel day and I might not get a chance to post it.

Fat Girl Wearing ThinI am a week late to this challenge but I thought it was important for me to do this.

The basic idea is to use this challenge to restore pride in myself, and encourage myself to meet my goals in a positive way. Boosting my self worth and self esteem should help me feel worthy of achieving my goals to help motivate myself to reach them no matter the set backs.

I think that participating in this challenge is particularly important for me because in the past I have been guilty of using words like fat, ugly, sloppy, undeserving, lazy, and worthless to describe myself. These words usually came spilling out of my mouth while I stood in front of a mirror grabbing handfuls of my own fat. To think of these times right now makes me sad inside. How could I be so mean to myself? How did I possibly think I could feel good about myself when these are the words I used to describe myself?

Unsurprisingly I would spend the subsequent hours after a session like this either working out until I was exhausted or eating until I felt sick.

I can't think of any food or life style that is as unhealthy for you as self hate is.

This became glaringly apparent to me while watching the Biggest Loser Season 10 Finale this past December. One of the contestants said "You have to ask yourself 'Why do I want to lose weight?' Is it out of self-love or self-hate, because if its self-hate you will never be able to do it." And you know what, so far she is right. In the past I have been able to lose weight, but have never been able to keep it off, or stick to a diet plan.

I'm ready to fix that. I want to love myself, and I want to feel worthy of everything that I want in life. I want to lose weight because it is what I owe myself, and its a gift that only I can give to myself.

This week while looking in the mirror I used words such as smart, determined, loyal, and strong to describe myself. I chose these words because they are ones that I already believe, so they are not hard to hear, and are they ones not necessarily tied to my weight or appearance. When I tell myself these things that I truly believe they make me feel confident and worthwhile, a far cry from how I used to feel after my mirror sessions.

Since I find it difficult to accept compliments about my weight and appearance, my goal for next week is to work on that. I will try to use my words from this week to boost my self esteem and make myself feel confident and worthwhile next week.


  1. Good work Ellie!

    "I can't think of any food or life style that is as unhealthy for you as self hate is." I love this!

  2. This is such a thought-provoking post, Ellie. You are really pinning down your thoughts and are turning negative words into words of encouragement and self-acceptance. I am finding that even if I don't believe the words I'm saying, still - if I say them enough, eventually I WILL start to believe them. I think it's true that sometimes we have to be the parent/coach/mentor that we never had. If we were children and were told how special we are, we'd believe it. We owe it to ourselves to say and accept those words as adults. Great post - thank you for sharing it.

  3. I am so happy that you are seeing your own self-worth! And I completely, COMPLETELY agree with your belief about these changes coming from self-love, not as a form of punishment. Great job and great post. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.

  4. Hey Ellie! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I came to check on ya and look forward to getting to know you :) I'm loving your point of view when it comes to caring and being respectful of ourselves!