Hate-Loss 2011

Last official week of 2011 Hate-Loss challenge. Despite this being the last week of the challenge, it won't be my last week participating. While doing this challenge I forced myself to confront the things I try to hide in the closet and it helped me discover things about myself which got me to this point in life. I need to continue to peruse these things to help me down the road to self-discovery and self-recovery.

 I wanted this week to be a doozie, and in many ways it is.

I love shopping, I adore fashion and new clothes, shoes, purses and makeup. I love it all, I have a sizable shoe collection, an entire drawer in my dresser filled with makeup, and a walk in closet filled with clothes. Whenever I have some extra cash at the end of the month I inevitably spend it on a new piece to add to my collection. Fashion is something I really enjoy. In fact the event that sparked this blog and this journey happened in a shoe store! You can read about that story here: The Beginning.

When I was at my highest weight, like a year and a half ago, I really stopped caring about how I looked. I would wear mostly baggy and loose clothing because I thought it hid my weight. It didn't... sometimes when I found a particularly awesome item I would buy it and hide it in my closet and not wear it until I was "worthy" of it. Imagine not feeling worthy enough to wear a pair of shoes.

As I started losing weight, and went from 185 to around where I am now (I have been hovering around 170 for like a year now). As the weight came off I started to care more about how I looked. I tossed out a lot of my loose baggy clothes and dressed nicer. I started to break into my stash of "not worthy" clothes. So I guess I am starting to feel worthy! Last week I rewarded myself (for no real reason other then because I was feeling down) with a pair of over-the-knee boots that I bought for myself last Christmas. Amazingly I was able to find a pair that fit my legs - How could I pass that up?

My co-worker/friend always goes out of her way to comment on my outfits, asking where I got them or if they are newt. The other day while I was strutting around in my new boots she told me "I love those boots. You always wear such nice things, you are so fashionable. I want to be more like you." I was floored by her comment, why would she (a 5'1" 100lb young lady) want to be like me?

But I stepped back and thought about it and I am pretty fashionable. When I take the time to dress nicely, and care about how I look, it makes me feel pretty, beautiful, and cute and that makes me feel confident. And who doesn't want to be beautiful and confident?

I don't know why it is that I keep things like clothes and shoes from myself. Especially when I know that when I put on a nice pair of heels, or a cute outfit it makes me feel amazing. So I broke into my closet and pulled out a few items that I have been keeping from myself. I put together some awesome outfits and had my own little fashion show and I am worthy - of it all.

I might even go as far as to say I look sexy, sensational and maybe even wicked-hot. I need to go out for a ladies night or something so I can utilize these outfits. My arms are starting to look better too! I am however sad to report that the jean skirt in the last outfit is too big for me now! I was too scared to wear it and now it doesn't really fit - What a waste! Guess I know what I need to buy next.

I'm really glad I decided to participate in this challenge. It has really helped me open my eyes to the effects being positive can have on your entire perspective. It makes me excited for the future.